Q:

How to Interpret This Response to a LOR Request

As I mentioned in my last post, I experienced a lot of stress during my last undergraduate semester as well as an episode of depression due to my professor's upcoming retirement. (I deeply admired her and wanted her to be my graduate advisor.) Honestly, I think the depression affected me even more than the stress, but I couldn't tell her about it at the time. She had taught me a total of 2 semesters, and I thought we had a good rapport. When I asked to be in her graduate level course toward the end of my  first class with her, she enthusiastically replied "..You have been a terrific student this summer and it would be my pleasure to continue working with you..."  I also asked about a letter of recommendation when I had written to her, and she said that we could discuss it the next semester but "given your excellent work so far, I am inclined to write."
Fast forward to that semester, and a lot happened that I feel affected the quality of my work. First, I spent nearly half the semester moving every few days (she knew about the situation), and that gave me a late start on the research paper. However, my housing stabilized mid-semester, which still gave me ample time to produce quality work. Later in the semester, however, when I asked her to be my graduate advisor, she met with me to explain that she was in the process of retiring and not taking on new students. (She was also living out of state.) This news of her not being in my life anymore after that semester caused me to have a mental breakdown, and I lost a lot of my motivation and had difficulty concentrating on the research paper. Additionally, I decided to change topics just a couple of weeks before it was due. (I don't even know why I did this, it was just part of my breakdown/reaction.) 
I received  an A in the course and an A- on the paper, but it was the sloppiest paper ever written and the writing was horrible. Had I graded a paper like that, I would have given it no more than a C-. She probably did take my housing situation into consideration with the grade, but I don't feel that sufficiently explains such poor quality work. (Again, I couldn't tell her that I was depressed because she was retiring.) So, from her perspective, I might just not have been cut out for graduate school, at least that's what I worried that she thought. 
Nonetheless, I emailed her after the semester asking her if I could still use her as a job reference and asked if I could "contact her in the future" for a letter of recommendation for grad. school. I figured that she would be less likely to decline to be a job reference, so I deliberately coupled these requests. I also mentioned being inspired by her work etc., but it probably sounded insincere. It wasn't, though, honestly, I don't think I could have handled her declining the lor because of how much I admired her. (So I admittedly made it difficult for her to directly decline.) Anyway, she responded right away (wishing me a Happy New Year) and saying that I could still use her as a job reference and "contact her in the future re: grad. school applications." However,given her previous enthusiasm when I asked to be in the grad. level course, I perceived this as a hint that she wouldn't write the letter. She also signed this letter with "Sincerely" instead of "Best" or something similar, which further confirmed my impression. 
Having an anxiety disorder, I sometimes read a lot into nothing, as I'm always anticipating the worst. However, given the quality of my paper, I don't know...So I wanted to ask how others would interpret her response. Does it sound like my initial thoughts were probably right? Alternatively, does it seem like she may have written a weak letter, the kind that says you're not recommending the student? Or, does it sound like I indeed read too much into everything and ruined our good rapport? 
In retrospect, I should have sent another email directly asking if she felt comfortable writing a supportive letter of recommendation and explained that I would understand if she didn't. However, having permission to "contact her in the future," I instead submitted a proposal (in an area I had no background in) to a conference she was attending, and the rest is history.(see previous post) 

A:

After having read your last post, and now this post, it sounds like you have developed an unhealthy relationship towards this professor that is approaching harassment... 
From your previous post... 
"Long story short, after continuously trying to have the grievance dismissed, the university sent me a cease and desist letter, which seems to be functioning as a no contact order, as it prohibits me from communicating with anyone except the General Counsel's office." 
From this post... 
" I don't think I could have handled her declining the lor because of how much I admired her. (So I admittedly made it difficult for her to directly decline.)" 
" I instead submitted a proposal (in an area I had no background in) to a conference she was attending, and the rest is history" ... 
This made me uncomfortable to read. You went through all of this trouble just for the slim chance of seeing one person that you filed an official complaint against regarding their "tone"  ...
From your previous post and this post, you are demonstrating unhealthy, manipulative, and I would say borderline abusive behavior by any standard. At this point, it seems as if you have put this professor through something they did not really deserve and the continuation, by means of this forum, is a sign that you need to speak with somebody about your unhealthy fixation on the professor and their thoughts about you. While I understand that you might have G.A.D, it is not an excuse for forcing yourself into someone's life simply because you would like it to be that way.  
They gave you a letter, now you need to move on, both for your sake and for theirs. 

