-Rectal prolapse:AKA The worst hemorrhoids you've EVER seen. I've only seen this one time and it gave me even more cause to elect for a primary c-section (more on that later.). Poor little lady- every time she pushed, her little rectum would peek out a little more and a little more until finally there were several inches of her insides on the outside.

-Condylomas: The gift that keeps on giving. Genital warts are naaaaaasty. Let me say it again, those crunchy-feeling cauliflower-looking warts are absolutely disgusting. I've seen patients with warts extending from their anus all the way up to the cervix. I've heard stories of warts so big they clog up the baby slip-n-slide, making a c-section the only method of delivery.

And now here are a few from my coworkers and physicians:

-Lots of complaints of chunky half-digested food barf. Labor isn't kind on the digestive tract and it's not uncommon for women to throw up during the process. And every once in a while, we're lucky enough to be hurled upon.

-Not only do labor nurses and doctors occasionally get a puke shower, sometimes we get an amniotic fluid shower. Sometimes that stuff just shoots out. Dr. X told us about a time during a delivery where she wasn't wearing a face shield/mask and got sprayed in the face with amniotic fluid. Apparently, it has a mild salty taste.

-Another fun doctor story comes from the ER, not from L&D, however, those of you readers with XX chromosomes will enjoy (or gag) at this story: Dr. X is on call one night and gets a message from a family medicine resident to urgently come see a patient in the ER. The young woman came in complaining of vaginal discharge and after a full work-up, the resident was certain she had high grade cervical cancer. Dr. X makes her way to the ER to assess the situation. What she pulled out of this woman's vagina was enough to make the resident pass out right there at the bedside. Apparently, the patient had forgotten to take her tampon out and it'd been up there for weeks.

-Revisiting the cleanliness issue, sometimes we get patients who are of the super morbid obese variety. Like, so big it's impossible to know she is pregnant. Or better yet, makes you wonder how in the world she got pregnant in the first place. These patients have skin folds that sometimes don't get washed for weeks just because it might be almost impossible to reach them. I had reports from some nurses saying they've found live bugs in these cavernous crevices.

And while most of these labor & delivery tell-all blogs have flirted with the line separating appropriate and inappropriate, there are a few truly shocking and disgusting things that I've witnessed that are completely inappropriate for this arena. Remember, L&D isn't always about healthy moms having healthy babies (as if I haven't already made that blatantly obvious). Sometimes life in L&D is heart wrenching. Sometimes it is truly gruesome. So I hope I'm not disappointing anyone in choosing not to share some of my more horrific experiences, not only to respect the patients who lived through the event, but also to respect my lovely and wonderful readers.