Today's GOP: Squeal Loudly, and Quail in Fear

I was in middle school when I realized that all bullies are wimps — more than that, that all bullies are bullies because they are wimps. Because they are so terrified of any perceived threat to their utter badassitude that they dole out noogies and lunch-money shakedowns in an effort to look tough. This wasn't gutsy on my part. It was the result of no longer being a child. It's a realization that normal humans go through at about the same time their balls descend or their ovaries assume their appointed duties. For most of us, this happens at age 11 or 12, and we spend the rest of our lives getting on with life and laughing at the pitiful lunkheads who can't seem to move beyond fifth grade. Those who don't undergo this hormonal maturation apparently go on to become Republican leaders — who, in responding to the Wikileaks affair, seem hell-bent on marking themselves as the biggest bunch of children in the nation.

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No less a group than Mike Huckabee, Peter King, Bill Kristol, Jonah Goldberg, and Newt Gingrich are now on record calling for the death of the wikileaker, or of Wikileaks chief swami Julian Assange, or, barring that, his declaration as an enemy combatant and direct danger to the United States itself. None of this is legally or morally defensible. Perhaps more to the point, it would not stop Wikileaks or prevent other leaks and leakers in the future. But no matter: the wimps are concerned with America looking bad, and so there must be blood.

Treason! These schoolyard emperors declare. Except it's not: Assange, not being an American, cannot be guilty of treason. Violation of the Espionage Act! They squeak. Except it's not: that "convey information with intent" to interfere with U.S. military operations clause is one hell of a loophole, and Assange has assiduously placed himself in the middle of it. Gingrich, for his part, must have forgotten his morning cup of GOP Kool-Aid, because his desire to declare Assange an enemy combatant would put him beyond the reach of rendition by the CIA (which right the CIA retains, although it has lost the right to torture). Giving an enemy his self-evident human rights? How ... well, this is awkward: how Constitutional. But how totally un-Republican.

As usual, it's up to Kristol to reveal most plainly the cowardice at the heart of the Republican hard-line. He writes of the official "we're not happy, but we're not worried, either" line from the Administration that: But all of this still leaves us looking like a pitiful, helpless giant—albeit a pitiful, helpless giant in damage-control mode.

Really, Bill? We look like a pitiful, helpless giant? Please go say as much in front of our troops. Please tell them that they're fighting for a fake. Do that and I'll believe you. Until you do, I'll continue to think you're a legacy puppy nipping for attention at the heels of the big dogs. A John McCain, if you will.

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Kristol goes on to moan: Is there nothing to do other than wait this all out in a defensive crouch? Is there no way to counter-attack against the attackers?

Well, no, there really isn't. Or do you also think that the NSA (a bastion of Constitutional rights to privacy) is a pitiful, helpless giant, cowering in capitulation at the feet of a pack of hackers? The fact is that Wikipedia is not a library. We can't "take it out." If we could have, we would have. (Yesterday, under pressure from the government, Amazon ceased hosting Wikileaks in its cloud. Wikileaks promptly noted that it is now hosted in, and sending its rent money to, Europe. We sure showed them!) The simple fact is that we are not in the position, if you will, to confiscate the microfilm. The stuff is out there, secreted in a thousand servers, ready to drop onto the global consciousness the moment Assange tells it to — or the moment he is taken into custody (or killed). What a manly pair of headlines that would be: Assange Arrested. Assange Releases New Documents.

Me, I remain confident that the reality of American power survives despite the panicked claims that we're suddenly mortally exposed. Gossip is ephemeral. Facts are hard. Factually, our guns (and our gunners) still shoot. Factually, our economy (weakened as it is) is still the plum the rest of the world lusts after. And so, as concerned with appearing tough as Bill Kristol and the rest of the Republican schoolyard wimps are, in making their arguments they only expose their essentially cowardly nature. They squeal, they squeak, they lash out. They act scared.

I side with some considerably greater national figures on the proper tone to strike in this moment. With Teddy Roosevelt, who knew a little about guts, and who felt it wisest for America to speak softly and carry a big stick. And with someone who actually has skin in the game today, Defense Secretary (and, remember, Bush appointee) Robert Gates. As he said in response to the "dangerous" Wkileaks docudump,

The fact is, governments deal with the United States because it's in their interest, not because they like us, not because they trust us, and not because they believe we can keep secrets... Some governments deal with us because they fear us, some because they respect us, most because they need us. We are still essentially, as has been said before, the indispensable nation. So other nations will continue to deal with us. They will continue to work with us. We will continue to share sensitive information with one another. Is this embarrassing? Yes. Is it awkward? Yes. Consequences for U.S. foreign policy? I think fairly modest.

Newt, Bill, Mike, Pete, Jonah: This is what it sounds like when balls descend.

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