Bitter News, 3-30-09

What’s the best way for a young lawyer to make a name for himself in Washington? By attempting a media bidding war for an unconfirmed tape of the Vice President/Drug Czar creator’s daughter enjoying some cocaine, of course. Tom Dunlap, who represented the owner of the purported Ashley Biden snow-blowing footage, has backed out—likely when he realized the outrage was aimed at him and few cared to make an offer. Now if she were doing it while screwing Rick Salomon, then maybe he’d have a payday on his hands. [New York Daily News]

Ironically, a man named Rich Gold is the head of the most successful practice area in Holland & Knight’s DC office. [Washington Post]

Hey, ladies, I’ve got a sexy, single, cop-beating lawyer. He’s not entirely housebroken, but he hasn’t been convicted of rape either. Interested? “A Boston lawyer who was acquitted of rape charges after being named one of People magazine’s ‘Most Eligible Bachelors’ faces trial on charges of hitting a police officer who confronted him for allegedly urinating in public.” [Boston Herald]

Aside from their new Final Four status, UCONN has backed its team with new legal representation amid alleged recruitment violations. If only there weren’t an age limit banning high schoolers from going straight into the NBA maybe? Well, you at least never hear about this type of crap in the world of tennis. An age ban may have never given us Anna Kournikova. [Am Law Daily]

A surly teenage dropout was ground down by the justice system enough to become a lawyer. “To cap an amazing transformation, Symko was sworn in by the same jurist before whom he had appeared more than a decade earlier for some of nearly a dozen misdemeanors.” And…they look alike. Weird. [Detroit Free Press]

Politicians are known to lie to the public. But should those guiding the public around the history of politics be restricted from misinforming? Tall tales face off against the facts in Philadelphia as tour guides sue the city over a history test job requirement. [Wall Street Journal]

Can you buy Matthew McConaughey as a shirted criminal defense attorney? He’s taking the title role in an adaptation of Michael Connelly’s 2005 novel The Lincoln Lawyer.[Zap2it.com]