Friday morning with CMT means grabbing the bull by the horny.

Someone probably has a sensible explanation as to why getting the low points out of the way as day starts is a good thing. That person has not had to sit through three hours of MTV panels beginning at 9 a.m. on a Friday.

This probably sounds fun to outsiders, but let me school ya. Think of all the times you’ve channel-surfed and, after taking a gander at some remarkably idiotic titles, muttered to yourself about cable being populated by complete trash.

Guess what? Much of that trash is on a channel owned by MTV Network. Absent panels from Comedy Central and gems from the mothership channel, nobody expected much from MTV Networks’ presentation beyond the panel for Spike TV’s “The Kill Point,’ an upcoming action series starring John Leguizamo and Donnie Wahlberg (premieres July 22).

TV Land lined up an impressive panel to promote Elvis Presley Month, coming in August, but they didn’t really need to do that. It’s Elvis. Viewers are going to show up regardless. Then came a Nickelodeon series and a brief stint for “Ni Hao, Kai Lan,” a show for toddlers that teaches kids Mandarin words in the same way “Dora the Explorer” familiarizes 2-to-5-year-olds with Spanish. Or tries to.

I thought I was nodding off when the lights went down, but no such luck. Suddenly, loud, corrosive music flooded our ears to announce the arrival of …

The Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, stars of the CMT series “Making the Team.”

It’s difficult to convey the shock of being assaulted by a parade of abs, glowing teeth and tans in a can — at 10:45 in the morning, no less.

Think of how you feel at that point on a typical work day. If a murder of cheerleaders high-stepped into your office with “Everybody in the house? ROCK the party!” blaring in front of techno strains, you might wet your pants.

We, on the other hand, jumped in our seats and then reveled in the silliness for about 30 seconds. Then it kept going. It would not end. All told, we ingrates got a good three or four minutes to marvel at their flexibility, watching them do splits, kicking their heels up to their ears, and for most of the time we just wanted them to be done with it.

I leaned over to a male companion nearby and polled him on whether it moved a little; he, in turn, gave me the expression of a man trampled at the rodeo.

So after my fight-or-flight reflex subsided, a touch of sadness crept in. These ladies were working hard and smiling wide, shaking their pom-poms and pursing their lips seductively for sleepy critics, many of whom haven’t been turned on by the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders since candy bars cost a dime.

No tears, please — and no dirty thoughts.

“To anyone that’s worn the blue and white uniform, it is sacred,” said head choreographer Judy Trammell.

Sure. But it’s also a money-maker. “This uniform is recognized worldwide. It was a very strong brand with great qualities to it,” added Kelly Finglass, a former cheerleader and executive producer on the series. “And so for that reason, sacred to some might seem dramatic … But for fans that come to the Dallas Cowboys games and have seen just the star on the Cowboys helmet, to be inside Texas Stadium, to see a football player for the first time in person, to see a cheerleader in person … it’s very magical.”

How sad that all that pixie dust was wasted on us.

Really, though, blame CMT. The channel should know the tempers of critics by now, and if they wanted us to take them seriously they should not have lumped these women into the same pen as “Ty Murray’s Celebrity Bull Riding Challenge,” coming Friday, Aug. 10.

Bob Kusbit, who is the head of development for CMT, said the bull riding show was one of those pitches that just makes you say, yes! But he saw an obstacle. His fear was, “There’s no way we’re going to pull this off, because who are we going to get?”

See, this just proves that people who work in television don’t watch television. Otherwise they’d know that plenty of “celebrities” would drink shakes made of blended sewage and fish heads if they thought it would do something for their stalled careers.

Had I been in that pitch meeting I would have responded, “Jesus, call Robbie Van Winkle. Vanilla Ice will do anything.” They figured that out on their own, I guess, because he’s going to be riding bulls alongside “Survivor” runner-up Jonny Fairplay, one the whoringest whores reality TV ever spit out. Joining them is former NFL player Rocket Ismail — what, he couldn’t get a spokesperson job for some nearly illegal energy drink? — the forgotten Baldwin, Steven … and Francesco … Quinn?

Who?

“You know him from his roles on ’24’ and ‘Platoon,'” the head of CMT explained.

We do? … Maybe. On “24” he played Syed Ali, and in “Platoon” he was a drug kingpin. Indeed, Quinn may be the only participant who can truly consider “Celebrity Bull Riding Challenges” to be a forward move.

The producers said that a lot of people turned them down, a piece of trivia that’s supposed to speak to the bravery of these men but really just underscores their desperation to remain relevant.

According to Ty Murray, bull-riding stud extraordinaire and the show’s host, the producers asked him how long it would take to train a guy to hold onto an angry steer. Three years, he said. Their reply was, “How about nine days?”

Murray then explained that the charm of this series is that men who think they can bull ride will watch these washouts (and Rocket … I don’t count him in the same league as the other jokers) and realize they’d probably do about as well as the forgotten Baldwin, who suffered broken bones.

By the way, Mr. Fairplay is still very much a prick. Perks of his post-reality series “fame” include the ability to give the bird with impunity, and I’m sure on his deathbed that’ll make for exciting viewing as his life flashes before his eyes.

Also, people still ask him how his grandmother is doing. (In case you’ve forgotten, he lied about his grandmother dying to get immunity during one round.)

“My grandmother died about two weeks ago,” he said, waiting for the air go out of the room before merrily chirping, “Just kidding!”

And that ensures I’ll tune in now and again on the off-chance that I might see a future Black Angus platter smack that guy. That’s why we pay extra for cable, right?