

How I got into Y Combinator and fathered a child, almost simultaneously - antongm
http://adgrok.com/pseudorandomness-or-how-i-got-into-y-combinator-and-had-a-child-with-a-woman-i-barely-knew-almost-simultaneously

======
abstractbill
I enjoy reading posts like these for the perspective they give me on how
differently some people do things. My wife and I by contrast are ridiculously
over-prepared. Dated for a year before moving in together, lived together for
two more years before deciding to get married, waited another two years to
have a kid, and then invested enough time into learning about childbirth that
every medical professional we talked to though the whole pregnancy and labor
assumed that we were both in the medical field (seriously, I know way more
about the anatomy of the female pelvic area than any other part of the human
body because of this).

She's a month old today (coincidentally also named Zoe).

~~~
sgoraya
Congratulations - The journey only gets better!

I've got a 8 month baby boy and wonderful wife that are the center of my
universe right now.

I got a chuckle about the time invested into the childbirth process; my wife
teased me about knowing more about having a baby than she did ;)

That said, I am spending less time on my business - whereas in the past after
coming home from the office I would take a break for dinner, the gym, then get
back to my desk at home and work into the night. That schedule has changed
drastically - I would rather spend the evening playing with my son and hanging
out with my wife than working. After the little one goes to sleep though, I
try to put in a couple hours of highly focused work.

Overall, I think I'm almost as productive (after the first 4 months) - when
you have a child, the need to maximize time and effort are amplified.

------
runjake
Getting a woman pregnant and fathering a child are two entirely different
things. I hope you have found the perfect balance between being a father and
running a startup.

Hint: the proper balance is heavily leaning towards the child.

~~~
tptacek
I upvoted you, since I've had the (apparently not so) unique experience of
having my first kid at the same time as my first "real" startup, and it was
fraught with peril. I agree that the preachiness of your comment is grating,
but the tone of the blog post you're commenting on kind of warrants it.

That said, the real risk in this scenario isn't to the child; the risk is that
you'll demolish your relationship with the other parent. The kid will be fine
for the first year or so. They're basically very smelly houseplants until they
get to crawling age. You're constantly terrified that they're going to
randomly die on you, but the rules for preventing that outcome are
straightforward and hard to forget.

~~~
m_eiman
_You're constantly terrified that they're going to randomly die on you, but
the rules for preventing that outcome are straightforward and hard to forget._

Changing the recommendation from sleeping face-down to sleeping on the back
has reduced the rate of SIDS (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome or something like
that) in Sweden by roughly 80% since 1992. There was a peak at 1.1 per 1000
live births in 1991, and it's now at 0.25 or less (in 2008 it was down to
0.13)[1].

Some babies sleep better face down, but I prefer somewhat uneasy sleep for six
to nine months (until they can turn over by themselves) to a tenfold higher
risk of death.

[1]: (Swedish) <http://www.internetmedicin.se/dyn_main.asp?page=1466>

~~~
jaxn
I have 4 kids. They all slept face down. They all lived.

The point being, even the stuff we fear in the western world is really pretty
unlikely. Feed them, don't drop them and you are pretty much good. (for the
first year)

~~~
ekanes
For things that occur so rarely, you can't extrapolate based on your
experience. By your logic, we shouldn't get vaccinated because "my 4 cousins
didn't, and they lived."

~~~
runjake
I think that was the OP's point. SIDS is rare and probably has nothing to do
with a baby's position.It's a medical guess, at this point.

I almost feel irresponsible mentioning this, so let me say that one should
always listen to their doctors.

~~~
m_eiman
_SIDS is rare and probably has nothing to do with a baby's position._

There's a bunch of research on the subject, and the resulting recommendation
is that sleeping on the back is preferred. I haven't read the actual studies,
but a bunch are mentioned in the article I linked to:

Alm B, Lagercrantz H, Wennergren G. Stop SIDS - sleeping solitary supine,
sucking soother, stopping smoking substitutes. Acta Paediatr. 2006
Mar;95(3):260-2.

Swedish Medical Research Council State of the Art Conference on the Sudden
Infant Death Syndrome. Proceedings. Gothenburg, 3-5 June 1992. Acta Paediatr
Suppl 1993;389(1):1-129.

Alm B, Milerad J, Wennergren G, Skjaerven R, Øyen N, Norvenius G, et al. A
case-control study of smoking and sudden infant death syndrome in the
Scandinavian countries, 1992 to 1995. The Nordic Epidemiological SIDS Study.
Arch Dis Child 1998;78(4):329-34.

Alm B, Norvenius SG, Wennergren G, Skjaerven R, Oyen N, Milerad J, et al.
Changes in the epidemiology of sudden infant death syndrome in Sweden
1973-1996. Arch Dis Child 2001;84(1):24-30.

Alm B, Möllborg P, Erdes L, Pettersson R, Aberg N, Norvenius G, Wennergren G.
SIDS risk factors and factors associated with prone sleeping in Sweden. Arch
Dis Child. 2006;91:915-9.

Wennergren G. Prevention of sudden infant death syndrome. Pediatr Pulmonol
2004;37 Suppl 26:110-1.

Carpenter RG, Irgens LM, Blair PS, England PD, Fleming P, Huber J, et al.
Sudden unexplained infant death in 20 regions in Europe: case control study.
Lancet 2004;363(9404):185-91.

American Academy of Pediatrics, Task Force on Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
Policy Statement. The changing concept of sudden infant death syndrome:
diagnostic coding shifts, controversies regarding the sleeping environment,
and new variables to consider in reducing risk. Pediatrics 2005;116:1245-55.

[edit: google the names of the studies and you'll find abstracts or more]

~~~
runjake
I've read some of the actual studies you've quoted (and others), and they seem
to indicate that infants that sleep on their backs fair slightly better in
statistics. Some also blame heavier blankets and "bumper pads" (the pads that
wrap around the bars at the base of the mattress).

As I mentioned elsewhere, my understanding is that it's merely a
recommendation based on statistics with no direct correlation.

My babies went on their backs, because even a %.001 difference is enough for
me to play the game, seeing as I don't know what I'd do if one of them passed
away.

~~~
nl
_a recommendation based on statistics with no direct correlation_

"a recommendation based on statistics" usually means there is a correlation. I
think you mean that it may not imply causation, which is true of course.

------
alexophile
If you didn't make the jump to the footnotes, I thought this was great:

"One of the Y Combinator questions asked you to name one non-computer system
that you’d hacked in some interesting way. My answer concerned a man-in-the-
middle attack I once did on Craigslist personals. I placed an ad as a woman
seeking a man, and as a man seeking a woman, and then simply crossed the email
streams by forwarding mail from one to the other, and vice versa. Most
Craigslist personals didn’t even have photos back then, so the switch went
undetected, even after the couples had met. I handed off the relationship by
telling one that the other’s email address had changed, from my fake one to
the real one, and likewise vice versa. For all I know, those couples are still
together and having kids. They probably don’t know to this day what happened
or what brought them together."

------
Nate75Sanders
So...2nd encounter leads to a "pornographic scene on her kitchen counter"
after you already ran into her with her ex and you make no mention of a
paternity test? How do you know it's yours?

------
maxawaytoolong
I have to comment...

One interesting aspect of dating in the bay area is that the woman's ex-
boyfriend always happens to be on the set of the first date, every time. Every
single time.

~~~
antongm
Hahahaha...

Really? I haven't had that happen, other than this one time. And this time it
was weird, because both ex and I were sailors, and our boats happened to be
next to each other in the yard...total fluke. And then of course Girlfriend
showed up in the middle of it, making it even more comical.

Anyhow, didn't know it was a local trend.

------
leif
Minor edit: gmail's file limit is not 30GB, and there's no way a 1m 10s video
fills up that much space. ;-)

~~~
antongm
Actually, it sure as hell did fill it up. I'm not big into digital media, so I
can't quote the real specs, but my machine is a late model MacBook Pro using
the stock camera, filmed with iMovie at what are probably default settings.

And the file limit was certainly 30GB, or in the neighborhood. Trust me. I was
shitting bricks when it happened....waiting to upload a file, watch it bounce
because it's too big...rinse, repeat.....

~~~
bjonathan
30Mo maybe?

~~~
leif
Yeah I think 30MB is correct. 30GB is about 7 DVDs.

------
dbrannan
The most important thing you can do for your child is love their mom.

~~~
araneae
How could he possibly do that if he got her pregnant on the first date?

95% of the people I have gone on first dates with would have made disastrous
life partners. It's kind of a lot to ask of him.

~~~
my_account
He doesn't love the woman, you can sense it in the writing. Probably doesn't
even like her that much. I picture a scenario where he drifts toward his man-
cave aka start-up, when domesticity comes calling. Michael Lewis wrote a book
about his domestic situation, but one never doubts he puts wife and kids
first. That said, he and the wife were a little more conventinal given their
approach.

~~~
antongm
I won't comment on the love angle, other than to comment that our current
notion of love is a 19th century European invention that doesn't really exist
in most traditional societies. There's ways of getting along that don't
involve long courtship, touching poems, or passionate romance.

And it's funny you mention Lewis. The mother gave me that book as a present
last March. Great book. I should note, he didn't particularly love his
children at all at first...until the child was stricken ill and he had to care
for him.

~~~
araneae
Our "current notion" of love may certainly change, but the neurophysiological
fact of love does not (at least, not on the same timescale). I don't know what
the original commenter was referring to when he said love, but I rather think
he meant the emotional connection, not poetry (who think that has anything to
do with love nowadays anyway?)

~~~
dbrannan
Love has many meanings, yes. If love is a stretch for you (or does not come
naturally) at least try your best to respect their mother, treat her kindly,
speak well of her, support her the best you can, and encourage her. These
simple steps will do more for a child than you might realize - I don't care
what the media says, parenting is really a team effort.

------
tptacek
Ew. That was... vivid.

~~~
atomical
Vivid? Seems more casual to me.

~~~
theycallmemorty
"I watched with increasing alarm as red streaks traced bloody spiderwebs
across her thighs."

Vivid.

~~~
Sukotto
Actually, compared to what I saw at each of my kid's births, that _was_
casual.

------
stevederico
Amazing showing of drive and determination. I admire your focus and level-
headedness in a time of great stress. If I can achieve half what you did in
those 9 months, in the next year I will be happy. There is no better time than
now. Thank you for the inspiration.

------
JacobAldridge
I just finished reading _The Time Traveler's Wife_ and this post gave me
flashbacks.

Pseudorandomness or unalterable fate? Neither provides guaranteed success, so
I wish you much luck with both ventures.

------
rgrieselhuber
That was awesome.

------
create_account
My first reaction was: "oh no, not _another_ post from this guy."

It was better than his earlier stuff, and makes him seem less of a jerk.

Still, his is the only YC company I'm not really rooting for to succeed; an
IPO or acquisition would turn him into an insufferable lout.

~~~
azymnis
Your comment is priceless...

What I find really interesting is that you actually sat down and read the
whole post despite it being "from that guy".

I don't understand trolls...

