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Tag Archives: pregnancy

From the moment I discovered I had fallen pregnant right through to the end of pregnancy, I battled with many insecurities. The inevitable weight gain, the swollen feet and wrists, the bloating and the terrible acne. The lot.

I was not one of those women who suited being pregnant – disappointing enough, I never had that whole ‘pregnancy glow’. I was more drained than ever, my skin was dull and covered in acne and my body was slowing down. I lacked sleep and it showed, I couldn’t get more than four solid hours at a time.

I don’t think there were many days during pregnancy where I felt good.

I chose to document my growing bump through photographs. This distracted myself from the chnages my body was making, especially the weight gain – something I daunted, and allowed myself to learn to embrace the time and not to feel so low about my self image. I was growing a life inside, what is more precious than that?

The images I have taken throughout my pregnancy will remain close to me forever, it soon became a little hobbie. The weekly ‘bumpdate’. Toward the end of the third trimester, growing close to my due date, I finally began to love my bump and appreciate my body for all of the work it was doing. The body really is amazing and a little TLC really pays off.

I had days where I was very upset looking at my reflection, my body didn’t seem like it belonged to me anymore. I was more just a machine made to carry a life and I had no control over my ever changing body nor the weight gain. Looking back, it was silly and I only wish I treated myself a bit better during my pregnancy, I should have ate that doughnut, I should have enjoyed take away. Rather, I chose to survive on a diet that was mainly fruit and fiber based with plenty of yogurt for calcium and a lot of raw vegetables and vitamins.

I would cook meals for Euan and sit at the dinner table for our evening meal with a bowl of fruit and yogurt – the same meal I would eat for breakfast and lunch almost every day. I didn’t like to eat out as that meant stepping away from my comfort zone. If I was feeling real adventurous, I would have a sandwich, providing it was marked “Low Cal”. Not quite the solid healthy diet required for growing a life.

I feel shameful and I do wonder, had my eating habits and concerns over my weight not been so drastic, would my baby have stopped growing at week 34 and have been classed in the fifth percentile, smaller than average and forced to arrive early over fears of her growth? I will never know for sure, but I feel guilty that I didn’t allow the life inside to thrive to her full potential due to my own selfish ego.

I am currently exclusively breastfeeding and my daughter is thriving, she feeds well and within five days she was back up to her birth weight! The midwife claimed that this was amazing. High five, go me!

It brings me great pleasure to know that am providing my baby with the nourishment she requires and grows from. The sleepless nights, are all made worthwhile, knowing that they are paying off and that I am solemnly providing for my daughter Something which I am both delighted and proud of. I have no fears or concerns over her health and I am sure that I have a healthy baby who is most definitely loved.

Now that I am no longer pregnant, my beautiful baby girl is in the world, happy and healthy, I can begin to work on my body image again and get back to a place that I am happy with at a pace I can safely manage and maintain. Since the birth of Eleanor, my skin has almost fully cleared up – something which I am delighted with as this had bothered me a lot. So much so that I would spend some time looking at my reflection and crying. It is silly, I know.

I now have to be a role model for my baby girl and have to ensure that she picks up healthy eating habits and a good self esteem. I would hate for her to think that she is simply not good enough or meeting unrealistic expectations in any way, shape or form.

I am certain my baby is well, her feeding is coming along great and she is growing and changing by the day. I can’t wait to grow with her. I think that having my baby, has made me realize that it is not about looking good. Sure, it is great to feel good about yourself but I shouldn’t have to set unrealistic goals or undertake a crash diet to meet the needs of my ego or the expectations and pressures that new mum’s face when losing baby weight.

I am going to take my weight loss by the day. Slowly but surely and some day I will reach a goal that I am happy with. I am in no rush to jump back into shape, I have a baby to care for and that means I must care for myself now too. I cannot be selfish anymore, I must become a healthy role model. It will take some time, I won’t be happy overnight but I will get there and I will teach my daughter to love herself, to be strong and wise and to have a good self esteem.

With my due date fast approaching, I have been keen to spend as much time with my partner as I can (in between naps and early bed times), doing the things which we love or doing nothing at all, it doesn’t matter, any time together is precious. It is so important to me that we take time out together and make the most of it whilst we can.

I know that when our baby arrives, we will be limited to alone time, there will be so much focus over our little one and adapting to family life that we won’t have the same time as we do now to give one another. Don’t get me wrong, it will be amazing to be a family but I do think at times I will miss the days where it was just us.During the past few weeks, we have been squeezing in as much time together as we can. To embrace and look back upon with happy memories, especially with this being such an exciting time. I suppose you could almost call it a baby moon. A slightly extended and less extravagant baby moon. No holidays unfortunately, just staying local and making the most of each day and enjoying life together, all the while, learning more and more about each other by the day and scarily becoming more alike! We can now finish each other’s sentences or let out the same word in the same moment. Uh oh.

In recent weeks, we have enjoyed days off from work together, spent a weekend away in Edinburgh – which was so nice. A well needed break for the both of us. It is great to just walk around a new City and take it all in, watching people go about their own daily business. You could say this was the last holiday before baby, it was exactly how I wanted it to be. Dining out at a Thai cuisine, listening to live music in a small and cosy pub until late, coffee mornings and a trip to the Zoo with an evening tour of the Cities underground. I missed out back in May when Euan went out to Malaysia to visit family, I was intending to go with him and the trip had been booked for almost a year. Sadly, I was unable to travel with the risk of Zika virus and had time at home alone instead. Which, I may add was horrible. I did not take well to being alone and became a whole bag of emotions, crying most of the time he was away. Silly, I know.

It is important to me to spend time with loved ones and I feel that you have to put effort into a relationship all of the time, it doesn’t have to be a huge effort but showing support and love can go a long way. Often we can forget what is important and get too caught up with other things that go on from day to day. Work commitments and issues, daily stresses, family problems, etc. It can become very difficult to balance your life and all that comes with it, and can become too much. I want to be in a strong and healthy relationship, have my child grow up in a happy and loving environment. Family is all that most of us have and it is imperial we hold the ones we love close.

Besides a weekend away and various other days out we enjoyed a gig from Blink 182 at a local event venue. A blast from the past you could say and yes, at 33 weeks pregnant, I forced myself out to listen to some live music. We enjoyed greasy gig food and obviously picked up a T-shirt from the merchandise stall to add to the collection. As the evening went on, I did begin to struggle with back pain and tired legs from standing so we ended up sitting at the back of the crowd on the cold concrete floor and listening to the set end from the sidelines. A world away from the gigs I went to in teenage years. I had a great evening and I am sure Euan did too. Getting out and doing something a little different from the norm can make all the difference. A breath of fresh air and another memory to add to the bag. We can tell baby that her first gig was Blink 182. Pretty cool.

We haven’t too much planned over the next few weeks, I wanted to keep things tame. I am becoming tired and sore, my knees begin to burn after long days so I think it is time to wind down and relax more. Off to see family this weekend for a night and we have booked to go out for a meal next month at my favourite Indian restaurant. I’m sure we will squeeze in as much cinema trips as we can which means lots of ice cream and pick n mix. Bonus. At this rate, the amount of time we spend at the cinema, I’ll be lucky if I don’t start labor during a screening. I must say, I am excited to slow down and stop a little. To sit back and get ready to begin a new chapter. I can’t wait for my journey as a family to begin and to get stuck in my own little love bubble with the two people I will hold the closest. but for now, I am just enjoying the last days we hold together as a couple and falling more in love with my man than ever. I am very fortunate to have someone so genuine,good and caring by my side. I cannot wait for what family life will bring and to watch my best friend become a Father.

Into my mid twenties and baby ready, I suppose you might say that I am a little late to step into the world of blogging. I am currently feeling motivated at this stage in my life and ready to branch out from the comfort of my Instagram account, get creative and begin a new online adventure. An adventure to use as a learning process, a tool for my own personal growth.

My name is Keren Polland. I have chosen to begin a blog to capture moments and experiences of every day life. I have always wanted to start my own blog, to create something that is solemnly mine. As an introvert with little knowledge of blogging, I shied away, allowing my hopes of blogging become a pipe dream. I couldn’t possibly create something that others would want to read, could I?

With a new found focus and the want to do well, to create, I have decided to give this a shot. To get stuck in and give it a spin. Better late than never. I thank my boyfriend Euan very much for doing the background checks and setting up this space for myself. Without his help, knowledge and guidance, I would still be mulling over the blogs of others, desperate for my own. I am preparing to begin family life with my best friend. Expecting a little girl at the end of the Summer, the start of a new chapter in my relationship. What could be more exciting? I am going to focus my blog on this new family life, to put focus on my child, my relationship and my experience as a new mother. The good, the bad and the ugly. I want to open up and share my stories. Reach out to others and create an online following of not only followers, but friends. Others in a similar situation, experiencing the same as I.

This blog, MY blog is set to be a personal reflection of my own thoughts and views, a personal yet public journal. An outlet to unwind and to share. An accout of daily life, yet a brief escape from reality. With a spell of maternity leave on the horizon, I needed some sort of hobbie to occupy my mind and a place to share and reflect in order to keep myself sane during those long days and nights of no sleep nursing a newborn.

Broken routines, daily change. I can feel the anxiety build up just thinking about what is soon to come. I am someone who has to have a plan for EVERYTHING. My life is almost timed to perfection; feeding times, bathing times, leisure times and bed times. My biggest struggle I face with becoming a new mother is the sudden lack of routine. To have to adapt to a whole different take on life as we currently know it is a scary concept. For now, it is 10.20pm. I am tired and quite heavily pregnant. Time to rest my eyes – until the heartburn kicks in and sleep fails me ( this happens a lot lately) but I’ll take whatever rest I can get.