Stereotyping You by Your Favorite ’90s Band

They say music moves in 20-year cycles, and the surfeit of ’90s-influenced bands on the scene at the moment seems to suggest that maybe they’re right (whoever “they” are.) It also seems that there are plenty of original ’90s bands playing at the moment, both renascent (Garbage, Pulp) those who never went away (Pearl Jam, for instance), or those who have no right to actually exist either way and are yet somehow touring together. Anyway, with all this in mind — and, specifically, because the new Garbage album is out this week — we thought it was high time for another of our stereotyping posts. Obligatory disclaimer: this is all in fun, so don’t take offense — and also, as ever, our stereotype is in there with the rest. See if you can guess which one it is!

Oasis
Aging Anglophiles who still read the NME religiously.

Pulp
People who had no problem paying $70 to see Jarvis et al at Radio City last month, and yet insist on shopping exclusively at Beacon’s Closet.

The Lemonheads
Slackers who watch The Big Lebowski at least once a week.

Placebo
Sexually fluid types confronting the fact that androgyny doesn’t work so well with a receding hairline.

The Offspring
Veteran skaters who never could understand how people could refer to Talking Heads as “punk,” anyway.

Blind Melon
The Bee Girl.

Live
People still too afraid to admit after all these years that they totally thought Ed Kowalczyk was actually Michael Stipe.

Rage Against the Machine
Conspiracy theorists who think Republicans are out to get them, and may be correct.

Ben Folds Five
Conspiracy theorists who think women are out to get them, and may be correct.

L7
Angry women who really do keep shitlists.

Built to Spill
Dudes who were into buying stuff on vinyl long before it was cool again.

Belly
Really lovely matronly types who hug for slightly too long.

Pearl Jam
People who consider “alternative” to be a viable genre.

Matchbox Twenty
People who consider “alternative” to be a viable genre, but secretly never actually liked it that much.

The Prodigy
Slightly pungent bug-eyed types who still take ecstasy regularly.

Garbage
Girls who are generally awesome but still somehow seem to have really terrible relationships.

Manic Street Preachers
Thirtysomethings who eschew leopard print these days, but are still messes of eyeliner and spray paint at heart.

My Bloody Valentine
Sound engineers.

Primus
Bass players.

Presidents of the United States of America
Determinedly oddball types who are not as funny as they think they are.

The Bloodhound Gang
Bros who own all the Farrelly brothers’ films on DVD.

Republica
Sports fans.

Blink-182
People born between January 1, 1987 and December 31, 1988.

Portishead
Well-off couples who enjoy hosting dinner parties.

Hootie and the Blowfish
Grown men who insist on using the word “buddy.”

Phish
Grown men who insist on wearing shorts.

The Spin Doctors
Grown men who insist on using the word “buddy” and wearing shorts.